the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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