drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
