That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
