um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
