He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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