Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
