He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
