so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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