WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
