if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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