Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
