Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina