can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
