I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize