I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The air was thick with penises
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
