She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
