Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
