do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
