My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
