U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
