i already hear my dad disowning me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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