Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
