Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
