I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize