There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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