i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
