ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
