dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
