So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
God I need to hump something, right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
