This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
