Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
