If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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