Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
