he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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