Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
