I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
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So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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