Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
