you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
