Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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