So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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