We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
