The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
