She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize