Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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