I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
