I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
