I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
