I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
