she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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