Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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