ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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