I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
