He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.