Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine