It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.