I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night