Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize