Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
