new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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