That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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