i permit you to call me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
