Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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