So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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