he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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